Well, it happened again to me. Somehow found myself in an argument with a coworker today and wound up in tears. Much of this has to do with the fact that the work load is very light right now and so we're not getting as many hours. It is affecting her big time, and I feel bad that it is. But when I tried to suggest a way to help her get more hours, that's when it turned into an argument. But I don't want to go into the argument or anything like that because it doesn't need to be aired over the Internet. What I'm more interested in is why I react so badly to conflict.
It has always been this way for me. Anytime somebody is critical or snaps at me, I take it personally. It literally feels like I've been slapped across the face and across the heart. The emotional pain is so strong that it becomes physical and I am then no good for a while. It drives me crazy that I can't just be one of those people who can get into a confrontation and then have it roll off like water on a duck's back. No! I have to cry for a long time, get the lovely red eyes and runny nose and make a spectacle of myself.
Part of my problem is that I don't speak up right away when things bother me--I call it 'ignoritis'...hoping that if ignore the issue it'll go away. Unfortunately, it almost never goes away and things keep building and then I wind up exploding into tears. Sigh. I struggle with wondering if, as a Christian, I am allowed to stick up for myself. Where's the line between defending oneself and being selfish. This is a big struggle for me, I think I'll always have it. Not much else to say...I guess maybe that's the thorn God gave me that I keep asking to be removed-the apostle Paul experienced this too:
"And because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to buffet me--to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I entreated the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me." (2 Corinthians 12:7-9
I pray that perhaps my struggle may be of some use to anyone else fighting these issues. One thing is for certain: human relationships are never easy. I guess I need to try to 'mend the bond torn by pride.' a line from the movie Brave.
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Thursday, April 14, 2016
A Trip Down Memory Lane...
Lately I've been streaming the late 80s/early 90s sitcom 'Saved By the Bell.' I will admit that it is a bit cheesy but I have to admit that I still love that show. It featured cute guys that every girl wanted to date and pretty girls that every girl wanted to be. I admit that I wished I could go to that school and be a part of the gang of Zach, Kelly, Slater, Jessie, Lisa and Screech. Even the principal Mr. Belding was appropriately authoritative and the right amount of dorky. I enjoyed living in this world where there was no real bullying, no drug or alcohol abuse, and everything turned out hunky dory in the end. Yes, it glossed over serious issues but it was a great escape.
However, looking back on this, I realize that there is no way I would have been a part of that crowd. I was always a little odd. I had plenty of friends, but in no way was I in the 'popular' group. Music, not sports, was my thing and that didn't exactly make you Miss Popular. But having chorus or orchestra first thing in the morning was the best way to start my days. It made suffering through gym class almost worth it.
No, Windham was a far cry from Bayside High School. But as I've gotten older I've realized a couple things:
First, I got to do some amazing things with the music program at Windham. I played viola in the orchestra and got to play in a music competition in Orlando (we took 2nd out of 5) and also got to play on a rising stage in Disney World. That was incredible--I remember that we played the Pink Panther Theme as the stage rose up. Then, with the Windham Chamber Singers, I got to sing at the White House, shake hands with President Clinton, and go to New York to sing in Carnegie Hall. As much as I enjoyed living vicariously through the Bayside gang's adventures, my real life was even better. Funny how different things look as time goes by.
However, looking back on this, I realize that there is no way I would have been a part of that crowd. I was always a little odd. I had plenty of friends, but in no way was I in the 'popular' group. Music, not sports, was my thing and that didn't exactly make you Miss Popular. But having chorus or orchestra first thing in the morning was the best way to start my days. It made suffering through gym class almost worth it.
No, Windham was a far cry from Bayside High School. But as I've gotten older I've realized a couple things:
First, I got to do some amazing things with the music program at Windham. I played viola in the orchestra and got to play in a music competition in Orlando (we took 2nd out of 5) and also got to play on a rising stage in Disney World. That was incredible--I remember that we played the Pink Panther Theme as the stage rose up. Then, with the Windham Chamber Singers, I got to sing at the White House, shake hands with President Clinton, and go to New York to sing in Carnegie Hall. As much as I enjoyed living vicariously through the Bayside gang's adventures, my real life was even better. Funny how different things look as time goes by.
Friday, April 8, 2016
A coworker asked me this week how many books per week I read. I gave her a vague answer because I'm not really sure how many books I read in a week.This got me thinking that it would be interesting to track my reading just so I could get an idea of how much I read and to track any patterns in my reading. In my daily reading log I've been writing down everything I read, with some exceptions: I don't count Facebook posts. That would just overcomplicate things and I'd never keep track of it all. But I include my daily Bible reading and my devotional, and I include the daily Portland Press Herald. I include any reading I do for pleasure or for enlightenment.
What, you might ask, am I currently reading? Here's a sampling.
The Wild Girl by Kate Forsyth. This is a fascinating novel about the Grimm brothers and one girl, Dortchen Wild, who was a source for some of their fairy tales. The novel is written much like a fairy tale, and is fascinating. I haven't gotten too far into it yet, but I'm so looking forward to the rest of it. This novel is to be savored, like a fine wine or gourmet chocolate.
She's Not There by Joy Fielding. A page turner so far. The story of a woman whose 2 year old daughter went missing, presumably kidnapped, and never found. Fifteen years later, a young lady contacts her claiming to be her missing daughter. As cliche as it sounds, it's gripping reading.
The Girl Who Came Home by Hazel Gaynor. A historical novel about the Titanic and a young woman who survives. This does a good job of explaining how people must have felt as they were boarding the ship and getting ready to come to America.
Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak. The classic Russian novel set during the time of the Russian revolution of 1919. It is one that I have meant to read for years and am now just getting around to. It reads an awful lot like Tolstoy's War And Peace. Sometimes I need the challenging stuff so I know that my brain is still working!
And that's a sampling of what I like to read. Either way, the pleasure of reading helps me escape from my problems and helps me get over myself.
What, you might ask, am I currently reading? Here's a sampling.
The Wild Girl by Kate Forsyth. This is a fascinating novel about the Grimm brothers and one girl, Dortchen Wild, who was a source for some of their fairy tales. The novel is written much like a fairy tale, and is fascinating. I haven't gotten too far into it yet, but I'm so looking forward to the rest of it. This novel is to be savored, like a fine wine or gourmet chocolate.
She's Not There by Joy Fielding. A page turner so far. The story of a woman whose 2 year old daughter went missing, presumably kidnapped, and never found. Fifteen years later, a young lady contacts her claiming to be her missing daughter. As cliche as it sounds, it's gripping reading.
The Girl Who Came Home by Hazel Gaynor. A historical novel about the Titanic and a young woman who survives. This does a good job of explaining how people must have felt as they were boarding the ship and getting ready to come to America.
Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak. The classic Russian novel set during the time of the Russian revolution of 1919. It is one that I have meant to read for years and am now just getting around to. It reads an awful lot like Tolstoy's War And Peace. Sometimes I need the challenging stuff so I know that my brain is still working!
And that's a sampling of what I like to read. Either way, the pleasure of reading helps me escape from my problems and helps me get over myself.
Monday, April 4, 2016
Killing the Truth
I just finished watching the National Geographic special, "Killing Jesus". I would retitle it "Killing the Truth". Now, I realize that this comes from a liberal organization, but I thought at least they would actually use the Biblical accounts without twisting the text around! But not so much.
When we first see Jesus calling His disciples, it seems as though He asks the disciples if they would like to join Him. Matthew 4:18-22 says, And walking by the Sea of Galilee, He saw two brothers, Simon who was called Peter, and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea; for they were fishermen. And He said to them, "Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men." And they immediately left the nets, and followed Him. And going on from there He saw two other brothers, James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother, in the boat with Zebedee their father, mending their nets, and He called them. And they immediately left the boat and their father, and followed Him." (Emphasis mine). It doesn't sound like he asked them, it sounds more like He commanded them with some authority because they immediately followed Him, even leaving their father behind.
Another problem with this film...at one point in the film Jesus tells a jeerer that "To know love is to know God." The Bible doesn't record Jesus as ever using those words! So now they are putting words in Jesus mouth! John records in Revelation, "I testify to everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: if anyone adds to them, God shall add to him the plagues which are written this book; and if anyone takes away from the words of the prophecy of this book, God shall take away his part from the tree of life and from the holy city, which are written in this book." Rev. 22:18-19. I suppose John could just be referring to Revelation itself and not the whole Bible, but I don't think it's bad interpretation to assume that this applies to the whole Bible. I don't think God would want us putting words in His mouth.
The last point I want to discuss is the fact that during the crucifixion scene, the Bible records that there were two thieves hanging on either side of him. The film depicted Christ as being the only one crucified. I just find it hard to believe that there would not have been other executions going on at the same time. Also, the minute Jesus dies He whispers "It is finished" and everything goes silent. The Bible records that, "And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice, and yielded up His spirit. And behold, the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom, and the earth shook; and the rocks were split, and the tombs were opened; and many bodies of the saints who fallen asleep were raised." Matthew 27:50-52 The film depicts none of this, it doesn't even show the sky going dark after His death! They really missed the boat with this.
I just felt the need to write about this because I am sure many people watched this special and assumed that what was depicted was what actually occurred. However, I will stick with the Biblical version of events, rather than a human interpretation of those events.
When we first see Jesus calling His disciples, it seems as though He asks the disciples if they would like to join Him. Matthew 4:18-22 says, And walking by the Sea of Galilee, He saw two brothers, Simon who was called Peter, and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea; for they were fishermen. And He said to them, "Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men." And they immediately left the nets, and followed Him. And going on from there He saw two other brothers, James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother, in the boat with Zebedee their father, mending their nets, and He called them. And they immediately left the boat and their father, and followed Him." (Emphasis mine). It doesn't sound like he asked them, it sounds more like He commanded them with some authority because they immediately followed Him, even leaving their father behind.
Another problem with this film...at one point in the film Jesus tells a jeerer that "To know love is to know God." The Bible doesn't record Jesus as ever using those words! So now they are putting words in Jesus mouth! John records in Revelation, "I testify to everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: if anyone adds to them, God shall add to him the plagues which are written this book; and if anyone takes away from the words of the prophecy of this book, God shall take away his part from the tree of life and from the holy city, which are written in this book." Rev. 22:18-19. I suppose John could just be referring to Revelation itself and not the whole Bible, but I don't think it's bad interpretation to assume that this applies to the whole Bible. I don't think God would want us putting words in His mouth.
The last point I want to discuss is the fact that during the crucifixion scene, the Bible records that there were two thieves hanging on either side of him. The film depicted Christ as being the only one crucified. I just find it hard to believe that there would not have been other executions going on at the same time. Also, the minute Jesus dies He whispers "It is finished" and everything goes silent. The Bible records that, "And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice, and yielded up His spirit. And behold, the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom, and the earth shook; and the rocks were split, and the tombs were opened; and many bodies of the saints who fallen asleep were raised." Matthew 27:50-52 The film depicts none of this, it doesn't even show the sky going dark after His death! They really missed the boat with this.
I just felt the need to write about this because I am sure many people watched this special and assumed that what was depicted was what actually occurred. However, I will stick with the Biblical version of events, rather than a human interpretation of those events.
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