Well, it's been a couple of years since I kept a blog. But something within me just can't resist the urge every once in a while to write about things I've been musing on. Lately I've been wondering exactly why my husband and I have decided against having children. Or, to be more accurate, lest some readers think I'm rethinking this decision, what factored into this decision and why I have never felt that biological clock ticking.

I think a number of things have happened that brought us to this point. The most obvious is that, at age 36, I would be older and would therefore have a riskier pregnancy. Also, I would be dealing with a teenager when I hit the age of fifty. Not so much.

Second, I am still waiting to get to the point where I officially feel like an adult, like I've got it all together. Still not there yet. When Andy and I first married, I thought, okay, as soon as I feel that I'm ready, we will do this. But guess what? I haven't felt that yet, though some would point out that there is no pop up thermometer to tell you that you're ready for parenthood the way there is to tell you that your turkey is cooked. I have yet to even get an inkling of readiness.

If I'm honest, I like my life the way it is. I like being able to go off and travel and not have to worry about too much, just the bunnies. And my rabbits usually aren't too much of an imposition on my parents. I like being able to read my five hundred books (slight exaggeration) and listen to my music. I like being able to laugh with Andy and enjoy his company.

Perhaps I'm selfish. But Andy and I feel decidedly unsuited to parenthood. I also feel that God has other plans for me. I almost feel a loud 'NO' go off in my head when I think about having kids. Something tells me that He's got something else in mind for me besides parenthood. What exactly it is yet, I don't know, but I try not to worry about--after all, Moses was 80 years old when he led the Israelites out of Egypt.

These thought to be continued. I don't know exactly where this blog is going to lead me, but I hope you'll enjoy the ride!